Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Joke of the Month
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS
Joke of The Month
Kids too much :)
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
*********
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
*********
Laugh for the Day
#1
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
Just for Laughs
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends.
In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the he_ll you are.
Please take your picture from the file, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
Moral Of Story:
If u cant change ur fate, change ur attitude
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends.
In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the he_ll you are.
Please take your picture from the file, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
Moral Of Story:
If u cant change ur fate, change ur attitude
Just for laughs
Santa standing below a tube light with a open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him:
"Today's dinner should be light !"
One Santa professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Santa jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!
On a romantic date Santas girl friend asks him:
"Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?"
He said:
"Sure ! What's your phone number?"
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Santa.
He wrote:
"Due To Rain, No Match!"
What does a Santa do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Why can't Santas dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
Santa and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa: Drink quickly.
Wife: Why?
Santa: Hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10
Santa at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Santa news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab. Local
Santas have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more.
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies.
Santa goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.
It is "You are standing on the oxygen tube!"
Santa was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Santa: I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him:
"Today's dinner should be light !"
One Santa professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Santa jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!
On a romantic date Santas girl friend asks him:
"Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?"
He said:
"Sure ! What's your phone number?"
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Santa.
He wrote:
"Due To Rain, No Match!"
What does a Santa do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Why can't Santas dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
Santa and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa: Drink quickly.
Wife: Why?
Santa: Hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10
Santa at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Santa news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab. Local
Santas have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more.
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies.
Santa goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.
It is "You are standing on the oxygen tube!"
Santa was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Santa: I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)